AneStory

Love is Blind, Deaf and Mute!

How is one supposed to make one self count important, as oneself and not someone else, when the other person does not see you as you at all? Not an easy question to answer, should it come out as an out burst or should it be a gradual realization on part of the other person, that she can not search someone in Hera who is not that someone, she misses.

Hera was searching for a unique way to be different from what her ex was, but the difficulty being to know what her ex was, what he liked disliked, and then highlight the things which he disliked and Hera himself liked. Hence began a mission to learn about monsoon’s ex.

And the only ones whom Hera could approach were Monsoon’s friends, and that included Vidi and Kaveri. Hera was already close to Kaveri, but she would not have told Hera anything, she was that kind of person, with whom your secret would remain a secret from the person you do not or would not like to tell.

Hence Vidi it was, so one evening Hera just went to her hostel, called her out and decided to put all the burned cards on the table.

Hera: “You know, you said I will burn my fingers if I do not give up on Monsoon, well I have and you know what, I still can not give up on her!”

Vidi: “Well, then you are just another fool or is it just adrenalin in heat of the moment.”

Hera: “Former, for love is blind, deaf and mute to reasoning. And when I keep my heart aside I know, at end of all this Monsoon still might not love me and even if she does, I might not be me.”

Vidi: “Then you are the former, so why have you come here, just to talk about your felings for Monsoon?”

Hera: “Who was he really like, I mean who Monsoon’s ex was as a person, his likes, his dislikes, everything else?”

Vidi: “Vij! Was a charming boy, in crude sense, like all other villagers, but was good looking, just like you, infact a little too like you.”

Hera: Wincing “I know that part, what else?” she had confirmed the unwanted.

Vidi: “How much has Monsoon told you?”

Hera: “Just about that much.”

Vidi: “You see, Vij was not at all like you, not a person who would stick with wooing one woman for as long as you have, it is about 2 years now, is it not?”

Hera: “Yes! It is.”

Vidi: “I would not forget the day before that day, Monsoon had just learned about Vij breaking up with her, and he did not have the guts to tell her. She got the news, on eve of his marriage. He was a kind of Hero in town, all boys liked him, and she with him looked as perfect couple, until she out performed him in those exams, and she went ahead and decided to fulfil her fathers dream. And you know, you are also not part of that dream.”

Hera: “I know, what else?”

Vidi: “We are four friends Hera, I, Richa, Pooja and Monsoon. I and Richa are close, and Monsoon and Pooja are, so what I know is what Richa would know, you should get in touch with Pooja.”

Hera: “Where is she?”

Vidi: “Delhi.”

Hera: “Mobile/contact number?”

Vidi: “Only Monsoon would have it, anyways she did not use mobile, so it might belong to someone else.”

Hera: “Okay!”

That was pretty much it, what Hera learned from Vidi, and that was not much, but he had a start, and it was time to call it a night. Mission Pooja would have to wait.

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Love and War!

Hera reached home, it was a long drive back, and though he was tired, he called up Monc and Duds to calm their nerves down. It was very late though, he was surprised they were even awake, it was next day's morning already. All that riding had made one thing sure, Hera slept like never before.

Next time Hera woke up, it was already the day of Kaveri’s Party, 2 days straight! And Hera had to buy a gift! And for lack of a working head; Hera still suspected his mind for time being, after what rocking time he was having, he called Monc, but he was not free, Sam had his time booked with her. However before Hera could cut the line, Monc demanded some explanation.

Monc: “Why did you do, whatever you did that day?”

Hera: “Oh! That prof was going to fail me anyway, just gave her what she wanted, at least now she will be off my case!”

Monc: “She might not have done that!”

Hera: “Well! First thing she said in front of external examiner was, “Why are you here? Why are you even considering trying? You will fail anyway!” So just gave her what she wanted!”

Monc: “She must have been just intimidating you! She was the one who was searching for you, for; you did not sign the papers.”

Hera: “She does play her part well, convinced you, well let it be! I am not exactly her fan.”

And Hera cut the line.

The day was like a bad hangover, except head was not the only thing that was splitting, every other bone was cursing Hera too! And still Hera got his lazy ass to move to shopping area of city checking out all the gift shops in city and coming up with nil. All of them were either filled with Father, Mother or Girlfriend gifts, and Kaveri was none, she was a saviour, and a sister, but nothing for that kind of a relation.

After giving up on the gift, Hera went over to college garden, and sat on his tread mark bench under the Almond tree and was soon joined by his long time missing companion, the smelly black dog called Majnu! And for a moment Hera felt nothing has changed since he first came here. Here he was, all alone, none of his old friends around, except for a strange dog who seemed to visit him, only when he was alone, and look on, listening to whatever crap he blurted out. Sometimes it was about home sickness, sometimes bad grades, missing friends or even a boring subject. Today he was listening to Hera’s heart break and quest for gift.

Like some magical cue from somewhere, Majnu got up, barked once at Hera and moved on, as if saying “Get going mate, or you will be late!” and moved on behind a girl going to hostel, his only hobby! Hera looked at him, and smiled, saw watch and got moving.

Hera made it to venue just in time, and as he parked, in front, across the road was his gift, a jewellery shop. Hera went in, saw around, and two thing just held his mind, he could not move out of that shop without taking those two things a Silver bracelet for Kaveri and a Silver engagement ring for someone, no not Monsoon, she would never accept, yes he did imagine her finger but then she won’t.

Hera went into the party, happy with his gift, that he gave Kaveri, she thought it was too expensive but Hera did not think so. And Monsoon was here. Hera’s heart missed a beat as she approached him but he just looked on.

Monsoon: “Hi! Where have you been? Have been calling you, but my call is not getting through.”

Hera had blocked her calls after his outburst, did not want to hear from her.

Hera: “Bad Network!”

Monsoon: “Ok! So you are coming with me, I have booked tickets for you too?”

Hera: “Not sure!”

Monsoon: “Why? Did you cancel going to your uncles place?”

Hera: “I am just not sure!” Little strain in his voice, and Monsoon noticed it, sensing that “When are you going? I have some work to finish before I go.” in calmer voice, still tense.

Monsoon: “Next week! Exactly 7 days.”

Hera: This will be difficult to avoid, so much for it is *my problem theory*. “Ok! Don’t cancel the ticket, I will pay for it whether I come or not.” Shits! There I go firing bullet in my own leg!

Hera could not take any more of Monsoon’s company, and so he went close to Kaveri, who got ready to cut the cake, and everyone sang……Happy Birthday to you…….Kaveri….

Hera had cake, asked Kaveri for permission to leave and did not say a word to Monsoon and left, just a detour to a friends place on way home, but home did not come till next day. When Hera reached his friend’s place there was a party on! As Hera was not known to drink, he never did, so he was not invited. However; he sat through the party, having cold drink, learning secrets of everyone and realising he was not the only one in love with Monsoon.

This party just made his life worse, he got a competitor, self proclaimed one at that, when Hera had already lost the battle. Next morning the question was put forward formally.

Smoky: “Is Monsoon your girlfriend?”

Hera: Thinking what to answer, can not say yes, and can not afford to say no. Could not say anything, but looked quizzically at Rocky and finally said “Why?”

Smoky: “I know you love Monsoon, but does she?”

Hera: Grabbing the opportunity “Yes, she loves my face.”

Rocky: “Ok!”

Smoky: “See, if a girl is taken she is taken, if not it is an open field, and Rocky here also loves her.”

Hera: “That is okay buddy!”

Hera got out of there, with Monc. And he knew in his heart, he had lost a friend or two with that half a lie, if they ever learned about the truth they would not forgive him, but anything is fare in Love and War and this is now a War, no longer about Love alone. War between Monsoon’s old Love and his current Love.

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On road to nowhere.

When one feels everything has come to an end, and chaos reigns in one’s mind, one seeks peace, peace that everyone is searching, but it is never as crucial as when the chips are as down as of Hera. And in such circumstances more often than not, some desperate steps are taken. And sometimes peace becomes so critical that life is just some collateral damage.

Hera was in one such situation, and he was untraceable. Monc was worried, Duds was terrified, and Hera was missing. However, last time Hera was missing, it did not turn out much, but that exam episode was scaring them up a bit, plus none of the calls were getting to Hera, his mobile was either out of coverage area or he was just not picking up, but they had it confirmed, he had not gone home.

Hera on other hand, was doing what he loved the most, riding his bike as fast as possible, on a long drive, but it was not much fun today. It was after a long time that he was riding alone for such a long distance. And slowly tears did come out, was it speed, with which air was hitting his eyes or was he just letting it flow, it does not matter, for now he could not drive any further, his vision was blurred.

Hera parked his bike on one side of the highway, barely crossed half the road and slumped on the grass of divider, wondering what he should be doing next, his head was splitting with ache, caused by all the thoughts of Monsoon, of what happened today, it was bleak! What was he going to answer to his parents? What was he going to do with his life? Was it going to be any good, why bother living? One step and a truck would run over, the end.

Or should he just drive on ahead and never come back, sell off the bike, work shitty jobs, after all no job is low. What if he could not make it big, bring his dream to life? And without Monsoon what are those dreams worth? Does anyone even care about me, none seem to be calling me, why the hell did I waste so much money on that cell phone? Or I can just roll down that cliff on the other side and die, it would be more like accident.

When thinking is not right, steps taken have to be wrong. Hera crossed the road, and on edge of cliff, he takes out the phone and it rings, Hera picks it up and

Caller: “Hera? What are you doing? Do you have any exam on the day, the day after tomorrow?”

Hera: Somewhat cracked voice “No.”

Caller: “I have been trying to call you, but you have been out of coverage area, so listen, it is my birthday, so if you are free day after tomorrow, can you come?”

Hera: Finally understanding who it is on other side, “Yes! Kaveri, I will certainly come.”

Kaveri: “I will be waiting for you! And you sound bit sad, and why are you still outside, go home, aunty will be worried for you.”

Hera: “Yes! Good Night!”

One phone call explained all, and brought some sobriety to Hera’s mind and he recovered from the slump, numerous missed calls helped further, got on the bike, and…….“Which direction is city in? ”

Hera: Flags down a truck “Where is city?”

Truck diver: Looks at Hera’s bike and looked at Hera “How did you get here?”

Hera: “I just rode here without stopping or thinking!”

Truck driver: Thinking Hera is a whacko! “In reverse direction, 240 KM (150 miles) in reverse direction.”

Hera got on the bike and started the journey back.

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Brittle!

Fairy tales are really for the weak of hearts, in real life there is no magical being who is going to sprinkle some sand or wave a wand to make things just right for you. Even in these Cinderella's and Aladdin's stories in end with all the magic around, it is one of the central character who has to get rid of the villain.

No there was as such no villain in Hera’s story, but then there was not going to be any magic either. Today was Hera’s practical examination, and he was well prepared, he had been reading the steps for whole night, without a blink of an eye, little out of character, he was reading it out aloud. That is the best way, say expert, after all that is how our pujaris and pundits have been mugging up those shlokas generation after generations, with out ever bothering to understand their true meaning!

As always, Monc knew, something was wrong, for Hera was no mugger, but then it was too late, today was the day. If Hera could mug it up, he can still clear the exam! And it was time. Battling those inner demons should wait another day.

Then Monc noticed something more puzzling.

Monc: “Where is your mobile phone?”

Hera: “At home, switched off; can not take it into exam hall?”

Monc: “But, you used to leave it with me or Duds or Monsoon, or someone else, never at home, how are people going to wish you best of luck?”

Hera: “Luck, does not matter, not right now, I am not ready.” More to self, than Monc.

Monc: “Wait, I am also going the same way, just a minute.”

However, Hera did not hear that part, he was already on way.

On reaching the exam section, Hera completed all formalities and entered the hall, the examiner for the day was Mrs. J. She was one professor whom Hera did not like, and one who had replaced Miss Meteorite and whose lectures he seldom attended.

Mrs. J.: “I wonder how you are going to do? What are you going to do, with your attendance, I wonder why are you even here?”

Hera listened to her remark, but did not react, just took his seat, drew a cheat, a lucky draw and there it was the worst practical to perform. Hera started working on it, but silence of the class was disturbing him. Still, mechanically, Hera did step after step and about after an hour Mrs.J. came to check on Hera’s.

Mrs. J.: "So! What's your "Progress"?"

To her surprise, Hera had completed his practical before time, and that too perfect, and there was no way he had copied or used any mal practice, she had all her eyes on him! And then all hell broke loose!

Hera got up from his seat, furious with anger.

Hera: “All you want is for me to fail this practical! Don’t you!” At top of his voice. “Well, I don’t care, I give you your wish, here my life is in tatters and you are cribbing about some lectures that I bunked! well enjoy your triumph!” With wet eyes, and angry that the eyes are wet, Hera did not stand his ground.

And he walked out of the hall. Mrs. J. was stunned!

External Examiner: “Did you catch him, cheating? If so we should report him.”

Mrs. J.: “No, he completed his practical with perfect result, he should get full marks, but I think I pinched wrong wound, that I don’t know about, he will fail this exam because he did not sign here, and he knows that.”

She tried to search him, but to no success. Hera was no where to be found. She was a teacher, wanting to teach him a lesson, but then today she had learned one.

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The inner turmoil!

Hera was disturbed, he was trying to make sense, think positively, for he could not afford negativity in his life, not at the moment. Monsoon was not the only loved one he knew, his Mom & Dad too were there, and he had some responsibilities towards them. As the night before, Monsoon had made him aware how girls tend to separate out the task of passing exam from the matters related to heart make or break, Hera had to find his way through this mess too, and focus on fast approaching exams.

One thing was clear, it would be very difficult in near future to approach Monsoon, but then there was that planned trip together, and it had to go through as planned for he had made a promise to visit his Maternal uncle meanwhile. Can’t back out and can’t go ahead, he left the things to the flow of time.

However, Hera could not let one puzzle out of his head, one tiny bit of puzzle. Why his face hurt Monsoon, when she should just love him for being someone who was and is all who she wanted to be with? How much he ever thought he could not separate himself from the thought and his conclusion hence favoured his feelings.

What is love?

Is it selfless feeling to see someone happy or there is no such thing as being selfless. One gives up life to save ones country for love of country, but then is it not one who is in love with country, then you can substitute anything with country, may be an invention, an idea, a game or a girl.

Is the object of ones affection really the centre of ones universe, or is it the idea that the object is the centre of ones universe the real centre of universe, or is it the mind that thinks or designates what should be called the centre of ones universe? Here mind can easily be substituted as my feelings, which makes me me. And hence I am the centre of my own universe.

Is it not the fact that if Hera decided on a deeper level of his thought, that it is an apple/money and not Monsoon, then would his feelings be any different for this object? No! They won’t! Have not people killed for both love and money as motives, world over, over the history of man kind!

So what is love?

Hera had a thought through this turmoil, if he focused on negatives of Monsoon, which she said she has always had, but he never saw them, may be he will fall out of love with her and may be things will get back to normal. Hera did not share this thought with anyone, for this was an experiment. A two step experiment. First step, to try and stop loving him, second step being, he would ask Monsoon to consider settling for him, for he loved her rather than running behind a man whom she loved!

The path was decided, but he was undecided.

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Monsoon Speaks!

Everyday life can make you believe, everything is perfect, experiencing happiness in moments, feeling happy in those moments, however your feelings do catch up with you. It might be every night, on some specific date or may be in moments that scratch your memory.

Monsoon was having one such problem, and she was suffering, suffering from indecision, decision of to let go or to hold on. That night, while returning from hospital, with Vidi’s word in her head.

“Don’t hurt Hera more than the hurt that you would cause him now, he has right to know.”

And she took the step, asked Hera to stop the bike, for a cup of tea near a garden, and the agenda was set.

Monsoon: “You know, in spite of me not loving you back, why do you persist?”

Hera: “My feelings for you, I do not hide them from you, but then I fear of losing you altogether, you are more to me than just a love interest, you are a good friend!”

Monsoon: “Does it not hurt you?”

Hera: “My feelings, I am able to take care of them!”

Monsoon: “So! i am your friend, am I not?”

Hera: “Yes! You are, a good one at that, one of the best!”

Monsoon: “I want to talk to you, just like a friend, can I?”

Hera: “Yes! Go ahead!”

Monsoon: “I lived in a village and like many families, mine is also a closely nit religious, caste based family, we often marry among our relatives, and there was this guy in my community.”

Monsoon paused for a moment, trying to sense the hurt in Hera’s heart.

Hera: “Go on!”

Monsoon: “I fell in love with him, and he became my friend then. I never uttered a word about love to him, waiting for him to propose. And we started going out together, using our group as a screen, for in village you are not supposed to be seen with guys.”

Hera: “Yes! And if one is unfortunate enough to be seen with a guy, marriage is quick on cards, so what happened next?”

Monsoon: “True! So we took care that we were never seen together alone, and then we had our board exams. And unfortunately he did not fare well in them.”

Hera thinking to himself, this might cause me my grades too, typical of us guys!

Monsoon: “And he was left behind in village, and I came to engineering college, now our match was less likely to get our parents blessings, but still I loved him, however, he stopped loving me back. Those faint signs of love vanished, slowly by slowly, last time I went home, I learnt about his match being decided with one of my cousin sister who knew about us, and it is a kind of love marriage!”

She had tears in her eyes, but she was not crying, she was being strong. Hera sipped some tea, taking the hint, Monsoon did the same.

Hera: “Then?”

Monsoon: “When I returned, I see a guy in co-ed college, and he becomes friends with me, he smiles, behaves, looks at me the way I wanted village guy to look at me, he is everything I wanted in village guy, and he even looks very similar to village guy, except he is fairer! He cares for me and loves me whether I love him or not, but his face reminds me of my first love, and I am happy with him till he is in front of me thinking I am with my first love, but it is not him, it is you!”

And a tear flows down her cheek.

Monsoon: “It is you, it is you….and that is why I can not love you!”

Hera has tears in his eyes, the face that he was proud of, was the reason his love was not loving him back! His heart took the punch and it broke for the first time. There was no way, he could change his face, and there was not going to be anyway he could not be with her without hurting her! After a long pause….

Hera: “I did not know, I am sorry, I think it is getting late, we should get going!”

Monsoon: “Why are you being sorry, you did not do anything!”

Hera: “I did hurt your feelings, by just being there!”

One thing worse than being a shoulder to support the one you love on the rebound is looking like the person she broke up with, and Hera knew it would be hard for her to let go unless he let her go, but he was not ready as yet.

Hera: “Good Night! Have a good sleep!”

Monsoon: Wiped her tears, and smiled! “Good Night!”

And then; it was time for rains!

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Lose ends!

Best of

Hera’s day was made, getting approval from Vidi, who turned out to be best childhood friend of Monsoon, it felt like a very significant achievement. After all, an approval from friends just allows some people to go with the decisions they take, more comfortable when other assure you that it is not a wrong thing. You wont be hurt this time, specially when you have been on the wrong lane before. Hera felt calm, Vidi, was fond of him as a friend, she did not feel that she had to hide something in front of Hera. He was sure, she would put a good word for him with Monsoon.

Just before checking out, while Hera cleared bills, Vidi sent Monsoon to check on things in the room, and she asked Hera.

Vidi: “Hera? Do you really love Monsoon?”

Hera: “Yes! I do, but, why are you asking?”

Vidi: “Then what reason I have would not be a reason enough, for you, but still it would be better for you; and Monsoon, to not be together.”

Hera: “What? Why are you saying such things?” Hera was taken aback.

Vidi: “Well, you know the answer, you have asked her!”

Hera: “I know she does not love me, but then I can manage that.”

Vidi: “Well, for how long, when you asked her, you already crossed the line of friendship, now you are neither friends, nor a couple, you are somewhere in between, she cant go forward, and you cant go backward, it is going to hurt, both of you, it is better you & Monsoon, stop seeing each other, slowly.”

Hera: Of all the things said, he gets this: “Why cant she move forward?”

Vidi: “Well, lets forget we had this chat, just was testing things between you and her. You are a good guy, just hope things turn out the way you dream they do, and not a lost cause.”

Hera: “It s a challenge for me, lets see what time holds for us. After all I did not lose my heart to lose everything.”

Monsoon, just joins them back, and they all have a laugh at what she finds in room, Hera’s wallet! Now how on earth he was going to pay those bills with a lost wallet!

House, M.D.: Season Four